Monday, December 31, 2007

Nose drama

I don't think this would ever happen to a parent. And I never never expect it to happen to me. Yes, I have been very reckless, letting Kai bump his hard rock head against my nose every now and then... but I never expect it to be so serious this time.

It happened on 29 December 2007 night when I was so dead tired. Kai has been waking up in the middle of the night several times for these two weeks now. And I had a hard time trying to put him back to sleep every night. So my energy was drained and I wasn't so alert when night dawns. Kai and I were both on the bed. I was lying down closing my eyes, taking a short rest. Suddenly I felt a full force smacked right onto my face and nose. The next thing I knew was that I sprung up and sat up on the bed, clutching my nose and groaning in pain. Tears rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably. I opened my eyes and saw my whole hand streaked with blood and droplets of red were dripping uncontrollably from my nostrils! The bedsheet and my clothes were stained with blood.

Oh no! My nose is broken! I thought to myself.
Could I be disfigured from now on? Do I have to go for a nose surgery to join back the bones? Will I lose too much blood and die?
All kinds of fearful thoughts floated to me all at once.

Luckily the dad was also at home. He ordered me to lie down flat and don't move! Next, a few pieces of tissue was stucked to my nose to prevent the blood from flowing out. I lied down immediately as instructed. I can sense the blood flowing down the back of my throat instead. I had to breathe through my nose. I lay in bed that night without moving, all the way till the next morning. That night I was relinquished of all child care duties (a blessing in disguised?). The dad came to check on me every now and then to ensure the blood has stopped. It has stopped flowing out but not flowing in... well anyway, I still wake up the next morning. My nose wasn't deformed. I survived the nose drama!

I remembered the first question I asked the dad after the nose attack was "Check if Kai's head is alright."

Xuan visited my room a few times that night, and has been asking why I covered my nose.

Most accidents happened unexpectedly.
All things started with "I thought this would never happen to me."

2007 is a bad year for me.
I wish I can put an end to all the bad things that happened this year.

Tomorrow is the start of a new year.
I wish 2008 will be a good year for me and my family and everyone else...
May all sentient beings be well and happy.
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Monday, December 3, 2007

Uncivilised habit

After spending a few nights with Xuan, I observed that she also has a weirdy uncivilised habit of digging her nose before she sleeps...
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Thursday, November 29, 2007

Evil tonsillitis

Tm is down with tonsillitis. And he has to be quarantined! Both of us are paranoid. We won't let the virus a chance to get close to the kids. So Tm stayed in his room whole day long and wore a mask all the time. The three of us avoided him, we maintained at least a 2m distance from him. All the things touched by him are accorded a "DANGER, KEEP CLEAR!" status and have to be cleaned before anyone can touch them. None of us wants to catch that nasty virus that makes Tm so sick. His fever shot up to 39 for more than 4 days without any sign of coming down. His throat is filled with pus that makes swallowing so difficult. Poor man, I think his worst misery is couldn't get close to the kids. He can only wave at them from a distance...

When Tm has to be quarantined, it also means I have to suffer. I am now both a Mom and a Dad. I chauffeur the kids to and from AMK before and after work. Both of them sleep with me at night. The guest room, which once was only Kai and my territory, has a new member now. Now, Xuan, Kai and myself sleep on that king-sized bed in the guest room, and I have to painstakingly strategise the sleeping position for the three of us. I ordered Xuan to sleep on one side of the bed, near the edge, with two mattresses on the floor to cushion her fall, while I sleep on the other edge, thus forming a L-shape formation. Kai sleeps within the L-formation, with a pillow separating him and Xuan, and well protected from any falls from the L-formation and the walls. Hmmm... sounds complicated, but that's it.

For the first few nights, Xuan would wake up several times in the middle of the night, asking me to sleep besides her. Sometimes, she'd also wake up to look for her favourite number 9, and telling me she wants to pee. At first I obliged and moved to sleep with her until she slept, then I crept back to the L-formation. This repeated several times in a night and I couldn't have any restful sleep. Until one day... I got fed-up and told her off.

Last night, before bedtime, I warned her again, "Please don't disturb me again tonight! Mummy is very tired and I need a good rest! You don't wake up again and ask me to sleep at your side. I need to sleep on the other side so that Jun Kai will not fell off the bed... do you understand, please help me, please...." I pleaded. A warning became a pleading. Yes... But before I can finish my sentence, she interrupted, "Ok, ok, I understand now, you no need to say anymore... don't worry mummy, I understand... it's MAGICAL!!!"

"Huh? What magical???" I was puzzled.

"I press a button..., and it will not be a naughty rui xuan anymore... Sometimes I forget to press the button, so I wake up and call mummy mummy sleep with me... now I press the button and it will be a good rui xuan. I will let you sleep tonight..."

Well, she really kept her promises. She didn't wake me up last night, only woke up to pee.

Her "magical button" really works!!!

Hee hee...
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Strange habit

Kai has a strange habit. He likes to fondle our elbow whenever we feed him milk. He seems to be deriving great solace from it. What a strange habit.
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"Double furry"

Does this makes any sense to you? Not to me either. This is apparently Xuan' favourite scolding words. It is as good as the adult's "sh*t". It comes naturally from her when she's angry. She's terrible. I wonder where she learnt it from?
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Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Filial Xuan

Xuan will grow up to be a filial daughter. It was so comforting when she says things like "If anything happens, I will take care of you, don't worry ok?" Sometimes, she'd massage my back whenever I complain that I was tired.

The other day, she massaged my arms when I said I was very tired having to carry Kai the whole day. She said, "I will massage until your hands are not tired ok?" And the most interesting thing is that she said that with such a sweet and consoling smile.
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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Naughty Kai

Kai has two hair-whorls on his head. According to Chinese beliefs, a kid with two hair-whorls is very very naughty. I can’t agree better. Whenever Kai can’t get what he wants, he’d put up a fight and struggle. He’d throw his head backwards until his upper torso is bent more than 90 degrees backwards and his head nearly touching his heels. Imagine a China kid doing acrobatics! That’s exactly what Kai will do when he protests. When he was younger, we all thought he was supposed to have a milder temperament. He smiled at everybody and we thought he was good in PR and is going to be a successful person with high EQ in future. Well, none of his parents had this trait, so they had hope it in the kids. Ha ha! Anyway, his character changes as he grows. We can only hope for the better.
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So many things had happened, I just didn’t have the time to write.

First I hit my car against a pickup, then few days later, Tm hit the same car again against another pickup. Well, the car suffered some minor injuries. We still don’t have time to send it for repair. Will just leave it as it is, a bit ugly but alright lah, there are more important things in life!

Back to the kids: Xuan fall ill – down with fever, running nose and cough. But she recovered pretty fast. I asked her not to go close to Kai, which I know doesn’t help. If one gets it, the other one will also get it. So few days later, Kai fall sick with the same flu, but his cough is bad, and his recovery was much slower. He was very clingy, so I was dead tired. He threw out all his milk on each cough. It was very messy and he has thinned down quite a bit.

I wondered where Xuan caught the culprit virus from, as it was towards the end of the one-week semester break that she fall ill.

So I asked her, and she replied, "I got the virus from Ye Ye!"

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Yes! Because YeYe every time coughs." She argued.

The cute thing about Xuan is that she will not hide things or keep any secrets. The only time when she helps you keep a secret is when she completely forgets about it. Otherwise when an incident strikes her and she remembers, she’d pour it all out!

The other day she told me, with demonstrations, "Mummy, that time PoPo was here looking after Jun Kai ah (action: kneeling on bed), then her knees pain pain and blood come out. Then the bed also got blood and Po Po quickly take a cloth and wipe it."

I don’t remember my mom telling me about it. So I asked, "How did Po Po get the blood?"

"I don’t know, I think Jun Kai is naughty!"
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Monday, August 27, 2007

Innocent kids

Now every morning, I take a private bus from home right to the doorstep of my workplace at Changi South. It is a convenient ride.

There is this plump Malay woman who also takes the same bus. She has three kids, age 2, 4 and 5. Every morning, without fail, the three kids and the maid will send the plumb Mummy off, waving enthusiastically at the mummy while she boards the bus and until the bus zooms out of sight.

Today, I saw the plump mummy and her three kids again, as usual. They were a bit late. The bus was waiting. Then I saw the three kids emerging from the HDB void deck, running towards the pavement, to where they usually stood to wave at their mummy. When they reached the spot, they started waving happily at the bus. But the poor mummy was still running behind them, catching her breath. Now then I realised the kids have been waving at the bus all along, not their mummy :-(
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Monday, August 13, 2007

Babysitting hazards

The idea of babysitting Kai freaks everyone out! Looking after Kai is one big challenging and extremely tiring task. He is learning to walk now, so we have to handhold him where ever he goes. We have to monitor his every single step very closely.

Kai is terribly active, forever reaching out to grab hold of things and smashing them, eagerly running after the balls and kicking them... Running with this energetic chap is no kid! A lot of standing up and sitting down, bending forward and backward. I don't have to go to the gym, babysitting Kai is already a complete workout for me. No wonder I can slim down so fast (everywhere except my tummy), maybe Kai should help me exercise my sit-ups. HA!

The only time of relief for me is when he naps. So whenever possible, I will try to drag his nap time longer. In a way, it helps to save my little back.

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

The two kids

Kai is one and Xuan is four. Unlike other siblings, these two little wonders don't get along well.

Kai attempts to kick Xuan and snatch away her number blocks whenever she is playing with them. Xuan will hit Kai's hands whenever they approach her favourite blocks, and will scream on the top of her voice before those mischievous hands can even reach them!

Kai then shakes his head violently in disapproval. He can't talk but he is capable of making angry noises to show his discontentment. I wonder what would happen if Kai can talk and walk! I'm pretty sure there will be big fights everyday!

Kai is learning to walk now. He babbles and salivates a lot. His clothes is always wet with his saliva and needs to be changed every now and then. He likes to play peek-a-boo and laughs heartily whenever we spring out from somewhere to surprise him!

Xuan is a very conversational big kid now. Her pool of vocabulary has certainly grown without my knowledge. She is saying things like "I am so excited about it!", "I can't wait for it!", "Thanks for reminding me...", "It's ok, I will wait for you!", "We are now travelling on ...", "me either!", ...

Her sentences have become so adult-like, and I'm surprised that they are all used in the right context!
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Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Kai's 1st Birthday

Time flies. It has been a year since Kai was lifted out from my big and round tummy. The time was 1801hrs. We had the choice of 1800hrs or 1801hrs for Kai's time at birth on 27th June 2006. Tm opted for 1801hrs as it indicates "Chu Ren Tou Di" with the 01(sec) standing out from 1800hrs.

Today, Kai celebrated his 1st birthday. It was a small celebration at AMK Hub's Dian Xiao Er with a few family members. Many people would expect that we throw big parties for the child's first birthday, but we didn't. We didn't plan any big celebrations for both kids like what most parents do. We had kept all these birthday celebrations a low profile event. Not that their birthdays are unimportant, but rather we thought the kids are still too young to enjoy these celebrations. They are more for the adults to feast and enjoy. We'd prefer to do bigger celebrations when the kids are older and have the ability to appreciate and enjoy their own birthdays.

Kai was rather sleepy and grouchy through the dinner. However I think he did enjoy the part when all of us sang him the birthday song. He was smiling as he looked at the cake and candle, and all the people around him... he seemed to know it was his birthday. Maybe he did enjoy his birthday after all :-)
Kai on his 1st BD

Taken some time before his 1st BD
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Friday, June 8, 2007

Old water heater

The water heater in the bathroom of AMK flat looks so old, the bracket holding it is so rusty... as if it is going to come crushing down anytime. Xuan is terrified of that scary rusty thing. She refused to bathe in the bathroom, kicking a fuss whenever the maid wants to bathe her.

So, each time before her bath, the bathroom door will have to be shut and she bathe outside the bathroom. YES, outside the bathroom so that the scary rusty thing is no where in her sight! She sits in the bathtub used for Kai. And she can still fit in! Her hair is washed in the same way as you get your hair washed in a salon. She sits and lie back on a blue chair, towel over her shoulder, head over a basin of water behind and gets her hair treated.
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Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Say funny things

Nowadays, Xuan likes to say funny things that surprises us.

This morning she said to me, out of the blue, "Mummy, you don't try ballet dance, it is not easy for you."I think maybe because she overheard that we are going to send her to some ballet classes during her June term break.

Last evening, she was looking up at the mirror reflection above her head while in the lift and blurted out "Daddy is a special daddy, but he has got cough and virus!"
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Thursday, May 24, 2007


Tm will be back from his reservist tomorrow. I survived the one week, with my mom's and in-laws' help. The tiredness sank in mainly at night when I have to put the two little wonders to sleep. By the time both of them sleep, it will be at least 11.30pm. It was really tiring. Sometimes Kai would wake up in the middle of the night crying. Luckily, only for a short while. Phew! I was so worried his cries would wake Xuan up, as the three of us sleep together in the same room. So I have to desperately rock him in his basket whenever he cries. Trust me, that is the most effective and fastest way of putting Kai to sleep.

I appreciated Tm's help whenever he is around. Good that he is coming back tomorrow.
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Monday, May 7, 2007

Little conversations with Xuan

Xuan was holding my handphone one day, so...

Tin: Xuan, don't put the handphone near your head.

Xuan: Your head leh?

Tin: Also cannot.

Xuan: Because the radiation will go into your head har?


Tin: Xuan, you love daddy more or mummy more?

Xuan: I love both.

Tin: No, you can only choose one, you love daddy more or love mummy more?

Xuan: Daddy!

Tin: ...(sad)...Why ?

Xuan: Because daddy is so nice to me.

Tin: Hmmm...

Xuan: But you also so nice to me. I love both.

Xuan: .... I think because daddy brush my teeth everyday!
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Kai now obeys instructions to clap his hands. So lovable. Knows how to say pa-pa but not ma-ma... :-(

He greets me with excitement and open arms whenever I return from work and cries for me to carry him upon seeing me. Then he'd clutch me tightly and rest his head on my shoulder when I carry him, refusing to let go. The bonding is strong and it feels good to be so wanted :-)
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Thursday, April 26, 2007

Cheer up, the worst has yet to come!

First it was Kai. Now it is Xuan and myself. All of us are down with flu again. Kai is feeling miserable with his flu. He coughs very badly and his nose are blocked. He also does not have appetite for food. He vomited his porridge and refuses milk feed. I am really worried.

Xuan is having fever now. Her fever remains high at 39 degree even with medicine. But she can cooperate when it comes to medicine. She takes them readily and said she likes medicine!

Alas! The sick cycle is repeating again!
I read this quote yesterday - "Cheer up, the worst has yet to come!"
Are there any better ways to comfort me?
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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

2 weeks before Kai was due

I still remember 2 weeks before Kai was due, my gynae told my husband and I an extremely devastating news. It was during one of my routine prenatal checkup, that the gynae scanned something in the child's kidney. "Polycystic kidneys," he said. The term doesn't make any sense to me. But I knew it wasn't anything good. The gynae never explain what it means. He only asked us not to worry, and said he might be wrong. He said there was nothing we could do - just give birth to the child and monitor the condition thereafter.

I went home and search the web frantically. I broke down and cry. A child with a polycystic kidney would not survive few months beyond birth. I didn't know what to do. I was at loss. I didn't know what I had done wrong. That was the worst fear a mother would have.

Tm was more composed. He comforted me despite feeling miserable himself. We decided to seek a second opinion from the specialists at NUH. I was holding back my tears as the senior gynaecological specialist scanned through my tummy with the utrasound. When he broke out the news that the baby was perfectly fine, tears that I was trying very hard to fight back rolled down uncontrollably. It was tears of great joy and relieve. We are glad we sought a second opinion.
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Kai is sick

Kai fall sick over the weekends. He was down with a bad flu. His temperature ran as high as 39.5 degree but we had to wait till Monday to bring him to the clinic. So I was on 2 days child MC for yesterday and today. His temperature is subsiding. His running nose and cough started after the fever. It was painful to see him suffer. He was grouchy and clingy all day. He refused to let anyone carry him, except me. I was exhausted, but fortunately I have my Mom to help me out.

Kai's temperature remain elevated throughout the weekend nights despite the medicine. I have to stay awake to sponge his forehead and body with a cold towel. He also couldn't sleep well. He woke up every hour and I have to rock him back to sleep. Forcing the medicine down his throat is also another miserable experience. He'd struggle with all his might while I use all my force to hold him down and Tm push the syringe of medicine into his mouth.

Poor child, I hope he will get well soon.

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Friday, April 13, 2007


Have been taking the train to and from work since I started work on 2 April after the 6 months NPL. I think I still prefer to drive. The bad thing about taking the MRT is that once there's an influenza, everybody onboard would get it - there's no way you can escape. The train is always so packed. Commuters are literally squeezed onboard. There's always coughing here and sneezing there. I'm quite paranoid. I tried to move somewhere or turn away, but there's nowhere to turn to!

There's this SMRT slogan which I saw on the train - "Moving people, Enhancing lives" ... I don't quite agree, I think I resonate better with "Cramping people, Sickening lives"!
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Thursday, March 22, 2007


Xuan has got Chickenpox. But luckily, there are only about 11 of them on her legs and she is recovering. I was afraid Kai might get it as well. Fortunately, the good news is that kids under 1 year old will have some antibodies from their mother who has Chickenpox before, and even if they do get it, it will be mild.

Xuan seem to be under lots of stress. Whenever I tell her that we will be going out, she will have no appetite to finish her porridge. She kept asking me what time we would be going out and she was afraid that she couldn't finish her porridge on time. So I learnt never to prepare her for any outings. Whenever she knew she has to go to school, she would also have no appetite to finish her milk, and she looked depressed. She told us she liked school (I think because I have been telling her that she needs to go to school and enjoy school) but deep inside I know she doesn't enjoy school. If I tell her she don't have to go to school, she'd transform into a different person altogether, chirping cheerfully, dancing, singing, and best of all finish all her milk. I think she has forced herself to like school because of the pressure from me. Xuan has grown so mature and sensible that I am becoming scared...

She never fail to remind me when I got so irritated while giving Kai porridge. She said, "It's ok mummy, di-di is still small, he doesn't know anything, you tell him don't move, he still move, but it's ok..."
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Monday, March 12, 2007

Nose injured

My nose is injured - thanks to Kai! One of his favourite stunts is to prance with full force onto my face while I am lying on bed. This act of terror never fail to send me groaning in pain and pleading him to let me off. The bridge of my nose has been hit three times by Kai's hard-rock head. Each time, he'd happily drop his head onto my face before I can react or dodge his terrifying stunt. Now when I touch my nose, I can still feel the pain. I wonder if any future terror will disfigure my nose.

Besides prancing on my face and hitting my nose with his hard-rock head, Kai also likes to clutch my nose, twist it, and tuck his fingers into my nostrils! Sometimes, he'd scratch my face, pull open my mouth, and stick his hand inside, attempting to pull out my teeth! Many times, he pull my hair with all his might, examine and separate out the strands before pulling out a few strands in one fist! He will also chew and grind my fingers in his mouth until there are several marks of his pearly whites all over my hand! His actions were all very fast and have all caught me off guard... I was badly tortured by him!

"Arrgggg... help me!"
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Monday, March 5, 2007

Love divided

Whenever I looked at Xuan, I couldn't help but feel a sense of guilt. I have not given her as much love and attention as I used to. I spent most of my time carrying and feeding Kai, leaving Xuan alone watching her favourite cartoons and CD ROM. Sometimes, I went to check on her only to find her slouching her time away on the sofa. The sofa has since became her only activity station where she eats, plays and naps.

Xuan doesn't get along with Kai. I think her jealousy is still going strong. Whenever she sees Kai, she'd quickly cover her eyes as if she has seen a scary monster. Then she shook her head violently and shouted,"No, di-di, don't come here, go away, I don't want you!" Sometimes, she even make up nasty stories on how she intended to desert her little brother. "If you are naughty, I will put you in the forest, then nobody take care of you..." I wonder how a 4-year old is capable of coming up with such horrible thoughts.

Xuan lacks love. She is deprived of the 100% love and attention which she used to enjoy. Now she only receives 50%. Perhaps she needs 80% if not 100% to become her normal self?
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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

What a PIG year!

After two weeks of struggle with one bad news after another, I am glad that the two kids are finally on the road to recovery, my 5-year old nephew has also discharged from hospital, and my mother-in-law is recovering from her fall.

For Xuan, the nebuliser has helped to control her cough and the antibiotics brought down her temperature. I am happy that she has came to terms with the scary machine and is able to use it without any struggle. So we bought the nebuliser from the clinic for good. Yes, kiasuism has reached us in certain ways. We have not only bought the nebuliser but have also stocked up a few dosages of the medicine to be used with the nebuliser. Maybe we are not 'kiasu' but should more appropriately be called 'kiasi'. Ha...
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Thursday, February 22, 2007

Cough and fever

I hate to report on all the doctor's visits, but sadly this is the only thing that has occupied my life for the past one and a half month. Xuan has been going in and out of the clinics for eight times now, including today, since the start of the new year.

Now, the whole family is sick (since the start of the CNY) - including Kai and myself. I think all of us caught the same virus from Xuan. We all stayed home throughout the holidays.

Xuan's cough and flu is the worst. She coughed very badly. Today, Tm brought her to the doctor again cos' she has been having fever (39.6) since 16 Feb and she hasn't eaten any solid for 10 days now. On the third day of CNY, we brought her to the A&E at Gleneagles. We were expecting that she'd be admitted cos she was clutching her little tummy and groaning in pain as she coughed through the night. We brought her favourite story books, mittens and number blocks. Tm also brought extra sets of clothings, preparing to stay in with her. We were told to give her the nebuliser again. She didn't have to stay in hospital, we could use the nebuliser at home.

4 Jan - Gleneagles SBCC (Dr Yip)
6 Jan - Gleneagles SBCC (Dr Yip)
19 Jan - AMK SBCC (Dr Ngiam)
26 Jan - AMK SBCC (Dr Ngiam)
5 Feb - AMK SBCC (Dr Koh)
16 Feb - Gleneagles SBCC (Dr Yip)
20 Feb - A&E Gleneagles (Dr Ngiam)
22 Feb - Gleneagles SBCC (Dr Ngiam)

Today, the doctor gave her another dosage of antibiotic. He said if her fever still does not go away by Saturday, we'll have to bring her back for blood test and chest X-ray. I really hope she doesn't have to go through all these.

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Friday, February 16, 2007

Sick again

Xuan went to the doctor again, this time for her flu. She is having running nose, fever and cough - a new cough together with the old. She has seen three different doctors altogether. The other night she told me,"Dr Yip always give me sweets, Dr Ngiam always give me the machine, Dr Koh only give me medicine."

I wonder when she can stop all her visits to the doctors. Some members in the family are also falling sick, myself included. This always happen during the Chinese New Year. I don't recall myself ever enjoy a happy and peaceful Lunar New Year - at least not for the past few years. Anyway, I have been trying very hard to prevent my virus from becoming full-blown.

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Saturday, February 10, 2007

Recent photos

"I'm 4 years old today! Going to school later, ... I will not cry again... because today is my birthday!"

"Hi! I'm 7 months old today. Don't I look cool???"

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Expensive cough

Having kids means having to spend lots of money. It is no wonder the fertility rate in most developed countries is 2 per woman. The kids are a big item on our expense column. This is especially true when they fall sick. Xuan has been visiting the doctor for her cough. The last time was when I brought back a nebuliser from SBCC to treat her cough. But she was scared of the mist that emit from the machine, and cried hysterically each time I wanted to put the mask over her mouth and nose. So I gave up and returned the nebuliser after the three-days-loan from the doctor. She did not even sniff the mist once and that goes my $85 for that 'scary machine'.

Then, on another occasion, I brought Kai to the doctor to treat his bad nappy rash, and conveniently asked for more medicine for Xuan's cough since she has used up all her medicine. The doctor also conveniently saw Xuan again using his stethoscope which means more money for him and means another big hole in my pocket. He 'scared' me saying that Xuan was having MBA (Mild Bronchical Asthma) and need to treat her with long term medication. I trusted him and bought all the medicine which he said were able to solve her cough. That cost me some $250 for both kids' visit at the doctor's office.

I don't mind the money spent as long as they are able to cure the kid. But I am a bit doubtful. Different doctors said different things on different visits to treat Xuan's cough. During the first few visits, the doctor said it was viral infection, and now with this latest visit, it was MBA. Then I realised that the doctors follow a standard protocol to treat cough-first cough will be flu: give rhinothiol and bricanyl; if haven't recover, give bricanyl and silomat; still doesn't get well, give silomat, bambec and singulair; still no improvement, give nebuliser, last diagnosis, must be asthma - give long term medication.

Tm refused to give Xuan the long term medication for asthma, saying she wasn't suffering from asthma. Xuan has been taking too many medicines, and he said to stop all. Xuan's cough is only bad in the morning, the rest of the day, she seems fine. So now we stop all the medicine and hope that the cough will go away on its own.

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Friday, February 9, 2007

Separation anxiety

Xuan cried on the 4th day after she started her new school at PCF. As expected, she was happy and excited on the first three days. Then on her 4th day at school, she bursted into tears while queueing to go into class. She pulled me and cried hysterically saying that she loved me. I had to be tough. I just dragged her into class and then disappear in front of her. I heard her cries and screams after the teacher closed the hard wooden door. It was after some 15 minutes that she stopped crying and yelling. The same happened on the 5th and 6th day. Today, she is behaving better. She didn't cry. She knew it was wrong to cry and that she must go to school. Although she didn't cry, I knew she was not feeling good about the separation anxiety. Her eyes were red and she was holding back her tears. At the door, as I was about to hand her to the teacher, her tears nearly dropped. But she forced herself to smile. She forced an awful smile at the teacher and told her she was happy today and that she didn't cry. My heart ached when I saw her teary eyes and her forced smile.

Xuan is mature for her age. She is sensible. It is just the separation anxiety that has got into her.
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Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Playhouse Disney

The TV certainly has big effects on the kids. Xuan learnt most of her English from there. Sometimes she really surprises me with sentences which I've never use. Instead of saying "Do you need my help?", Xuan said "Do you need a hand?" Instead of saying "Are you ready?", Xuan said "Are you done yet?" I attribute these to the Playhouse Disney that she watches everyday, especially Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

Tomorrow, she will be changing her nursery from Tumble Tots to PCF. She has just gotten used to Tumble Tots and now we are changing her to another school. Anyway, it is better to change her now than to wait till she is in K1 cos' Tumble Tots does not have Kindergarten. I am expecting the same episode of excitement follow by withdrawal a week later. Let's see!
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Saturday, January 27, 2007

Sick again

Xuan went to the doctor again. It has became a routine. For three consecutive Fridays, she has been patronising the Singapore Baby and Child Clinic at Ang Mo Kio. It is still about cough. There were also many red spots on her face. She has became skinnier. I feel sad for her.

Tonight we are going to celebrate her 4th birthday. Just a small celebration with family. The celebration is brought forward as 29th falls on a Monday. I hope Xuan's 4th birthday will bring her good luck, great health and happiness for the rest of the year. I really hope.

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Friday, January 19, 2007

Reject school

Xuan started to reject school on the 9th day. That was a Monday and I left her at Tumble Tots as usual. We waved goodbye before I went to shop around the mall. Half an hour later, I popped by to check on her, only to see her sitting on the teacher's lap. The teacher was holding a piece of tissue and wiping tears on Xuan's cheeks. The first thought that came to my mind was that she had a fall. Upon seeing me through the glass door, Xuan burst into tears. She cried and asked where I had gone to, and demanded that I sit outside the room to watch her and not go around shopping. After that day, I had a hard time getting her up from bed and dressing her up for school.

Xuan is sick again. She didn't go to school today. She has been complaining of pain. Pain everywhere - the chest, eyes, tummy, nose, buttocks, legs, elbow... Last night, she ran a high fever of 39 degree Celsius. So I brought her to the PD again today. She has just recovered from her cough and I had to pray "please, not again!" At the doctor's office, she told the doctor that she had pain everywhere, and at the end of the examination, as we were about to leave the room, she told the doctor "But... you forgot to give me a sweet!" Sigh!
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Monday, January 15, 2007

Before I became a mum

Now, my own version of becoming a mum...

Before I became a mum
I could draw, knit, crochet and do the things I like
I could catch all the TV serials and snack in front of the TV
I could go out with friends and stay out late
I could sleep through the nights and have complete dreams
I could wake up late and enjoy afternoon naps

Before I became a mum
I didn't have to spring up from bed to check on the slightest squirms
I didn't have to arch my back to rock a sleepy baby and suffer painful wrist and aching back
I didn't have to gobble my food and rush through my meals or even choke on food
I didn't have to run away from people who cough or worry that I'd get sick and pass on the virus to the kids
I didn't have to make so many arrangements so that I can go out with a peace of mind
I didn't have to rush through my shopping and be the first to leave on any outing
I didn't have to watch the ticking clock and leave the office on the dot

Before I became a mum
I didn't understand the devastation of a parent whose child fall sick
I never know I'd feel so miserable when I couldn't ease the pain of a suffering kid
I never know I'd hold on to a child, kiss him and hug him so dearly

Before I became a mum
I never know a simple grin could melt my heart
I never never know I'd get so gloriously happy when the child enjoy my play and tricks
I didn't know that a mother's emotion is solely determined by the kids'

Before I became a mum
I never know how special a mother can be
I didn't know it is so wonderful to become a mum

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Friday, January 12, 2007

Before I was a mum

Just to share this piece with all great mothers and friends... read on. Retrieved from

Before I was a Mum I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby.
I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mum - I had never been puked on, pooped on, chewed on, peed on.
I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mum I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mum I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mum.

Before I was a Mum - I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mum - I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mum.

I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mum.
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Saturday, January 6, 2007


Xuan started coughing after her first day at school. I wonder if it was that boy who kissed her that passed on the virus to her. I saw his runny mucus dripping from his nostrils when he gave Xuan the peck. Anyway it is pointless to identify the culprit now that she is already coughing. The cough was tough on her. She cried a lot and kept asking me why she coughed and when will her cough go away. It was painful for me to see her in this state. I was caught in a dilemma. On one hand, I wanted to shower her with as much care and concern; on the other, I have to keep a distance away from her as I don't want Kai to get the cough. Last night, her cough changed from bad to worse. She coughed the whole night. So this morning, her dad brought her to the pediatrician again. Upon seeing the doctor, Xuan said "Hello Doctor Yip, my cough is very bad, please help me." Poor thing, I hope she will get well soon.

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Wednesday, January 3, 2007

First day @school

Xuan was excited about school. Last night, she carried her pink school bag packed with a green bottle, a pink mitten, two number blocks ("9" and "5") and stood in front of the window, looking at her own reflection. "My name is Rui Xuan. I am going to school!" I overheard.

This morning I woke her up at 7.30am, made her finish her milk and some biscuits before setting off to Tumbletots (Rightstart II) at Punggol Plaza. There were only 5 children in the class. I'm not sure if it is a bad sign.

Xuan is a bit shy by nature and not physically active compared to children of her age. I was expecting some kind of tantrums or crying spells when she stepped into class. But to my relieve, she was coping well. I did not even have to be present. I went around shopping, occasionally popping by to see how she was coping. I saw her talking to the teacher assistant while the Chinese teacher was conducting the lessons. Once in a while, I stepped into the class to observe her. Xuan became very kaypo when she saw another classmate holding a green bottle and started telling her that she also has a green bottle.

During the physical play, both Xuan and a boy wanted the green ball. The teacher had to ask them to close their eyes to pick the balls so that they don't fight over the green one. Xuan was lucky to pick the green ball with her closed eyes. I wondered if she play cheat. Anyway, the boy was unhappy to have picked a blue ball and insisted on the green one. So the teacher negotiated with Xuan who generously gave up her green ball. At the end of the 2-hour lesson, the teacher asked everyone to hug and wave goodbye. Xuan hugged a boy who gave her a peck on her cheek. It was the same boy who took her green ball!

Overall, she was excited about school and happy in class. But when I asked her what she has learnt, she said she don't know. The entire 2-hour lesson was conducted in Mandarin. No wonder!
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Monday, January 1, 2007

New year

2006 has passed. Today is the start of a new year. Last night, Xuan and I counted down to 2007 together with the Mediacorp artistes - on Channel 5, in front of the TV! We shouted "10, 9, 8... 1" and cheered. Then I gave Xuan a big hug and wished her great health, happiness and a very happy new year. But I don't think she knew what I was mumbling.

As for Kai, the new year seems to have a special effect on him. This morning, he woke up to the new year without any smile. Tm jokingly said that Kai's new year resolution is "to be more serious"! The PR king is not so PR now. He even wanted to cry when a passerby greeted him at the foodcourt just now. I certainly hope he will resume his PR skills soon.

I wish the 2 kids safe, healthy and happy in the new year and throughout their growing years.

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