Thursday, March 22, 2007


Xuan has got Chickenpox. But luckily, there are only about 11 of them on her legs and she is recovering. I was afraid Kai might get it as well. Fortunately, the good news is that kids under 1 year old will have some antibodies from their mother who has Chickenpox before, and even if they do get it, it will be mild.

Xuan seem to be under lots of stress. Whenever I tell her that we will be going out, she will have no appetite to finish her porridge. She kept asking me what time we would be going out and she was afraid that she couldn't finish her porridge on time. So I learnt never to prepare her for any outings. Whenever she knew she has to go to school, she would also have no appetite to finish her milk, and she looked depressed. She told us she liked school (I think because I have been telling her that she needs to go to school and enjoy school) but deep inside I know she doesn't enjoy school. If I tell her she don't have to go to school, she'd transform into a different person altogether, chirping cheerfully, dancing, singing, and best of all finish all her milk. I think she has forced herself to like school because of the pressure from me. Xuan has grown so mature and sensible that I am becoming scared...

She never fail to remind me when I got so irritated while giving Kai porridge. She said, "It's ok mummy, di-di is still small, he doesn't know anything, you tell him don't move, he still move, but it's ok..."
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Monday, March 12, 2007

Nose injured

My nose is injured - thanks to Kai! One of his favourite stunts is to prance with full force onto my face while I am lying on bed. This act of terror never fail to send me groaning in pain and pleading him to let me off. The bridge of my nose has been hit three times by Kai's hard-rock head. Each time, he'd happily drop his head onto my face before I can react or dodge his terrifying stunt. Now when I touch my nose, I can still feel the pain. I wonder if any future terror will disfigure my nose.

Besides prancing on my face and hitting my nose with his hard-rock head, Kai also likes to clutch my nose, twist it, and tuck his fingers into my nostrils! Sometimes, he'd scratch my face, pull open my mouth, and stick his hand inside, attempting to pull out my teeth! Many times, he pull my hair with all his might, examine and separate out the strands before pulling out a few strands in one fist! He will also chew and grind my fingers in his mouth until there are several marks of his pearly whites all over my hand! His actions were all very fast and have all caught me off guard... I was badly tortured by him!

"Arrgggg... help me!"
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Monday, March 5, 2007

Love divided

Whenever I looked at Xuan, I couldn't help but feel a sense of guilt. I have not given her as much love and attention as I used to. I spent most of my time carrying and feeding Kai, leaving Xuan alone watching her favourite cartoons and CD ROM. Sometimes, I went to check on her only to find her slouching her time away on the sofa. The sofa has since became her only activity station where she eats, plays and naps.

Xuan doesn't get along with Kai. I think her jealousy is still going strong. Whenever she sees Kai, she'd quickly cover her eyes as if she has seen a scary monster. Then she shook her head violently and shouted,"No, di-di, don't come here, go away, I don't want you!" Sometimes, she even make up nasty stories on how she intended to desert her little brother. "If you are naughty, I will put you in the forest, then nobody take care of you..." I wonder how a 4-year old is capable of coming up with such horrible thoughts.

Xuan lacks love. She is deprived of the 100% love and attention which she used to enjoy. Now she only receives 50%. Perhaps she needs 80% if not 100% to become her normal self?
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