Monday, February 21, 2011

童謠1987 -- 让我慢慢成长

This is a very beautiful and meaningful song, which I heard from my friend's blog recently.
I think I played the song repeatedly over 10 ten times.. haha..
Let's listen and reflect...
让我们一同聆听孩子们的心声。。


Read more →

Saturday, February 19, 2011

He is still our little darling

I guess anyone who knows about Kai and his energetic behaviour will not hesitate to associate him with ADHD. In fact, I myself have been googling and on the lookout for ADHD symptoms in him. His activeness is a cause for concern. His short attention span in all learning activities and his recent hitting in school are worrying.

However, under closer observation, I realised that Kai is merely active in his own right. Most of the time, he listens. He is a good boy. When I ask him to help me hang the laundry, he readily complies. When I request him to keep away the messy toys, he obliges.

When I kept away all his cars for good, he didn't make a fuss. He knew his error and accepted the forfeiture of cars as a form of punishment. He has not played with cars since his hitting episodes in school. He has been chit-chatting with me while I do work in the kitchen.

Now, without any cars to play, he'd fix his jigsaw puzzles and can do so for a whole 25 minutes without being distracted. I'm happy he can stay focus on a task he likes. He also listens to stories and responds to questions intelligently. I'm glad he is listening!

He is so innocent and adorable when he said...
"Why the lizards anyhow poo-poo? Where is their toilet?"

"Next time, I will marry a good wife. She must be pretty... have long hair and tie a bun."

"Next time, I will grow up to be a man like daddy. I will become a father. I will take care of my children... and also take care of you and daddy because you are old already..."

Despite all the unpleasant incidents that have happened, Kai is still our little darling.
We hope his negative behaviour is just a passing phase, and it'll be over soon.


Read more →

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Media violence and aggression

Kai likes cars.
So his over-indulgent parents bought him many cars to play.
They bought him the "CARS movie" DVD to watch.
They downloaded different kinds of cars games on the iPhone, showed him how to navigate on YouTube and saved cars-related games as favourites for him to play.
And so, they ruined the kid at 4.5 years of age.
Although Kai has cut down on many of these unhealthy activities, the damage was already done.

He started to hit his classmates a couple of weeks ago, for no reason.
His ignorant parents were at loss.
They didn't know what happened to him, why he displayed those aggressions.
I mean, hitting someone without a reason is really scary. I rather he hit with a reason, so at least we can still explain and correct his behaviour in time.

Last Friday, the dad let him play "Spiderman" on his iPhone.
That same day in school, he kicked one of his classmate.
It was only then, that the parents realised the big blunder they had made.
One of the many studies that linked media violence to a child's agressive behavior, revealed that "even a brief exposure to violent video games can temporarily increase aggressive behavior in all types of participants." (source)
In fact, Kai's "car crashing" act in Tokyo should have sounded the alarm. Prior to that, he watched the CARS movie and mimic the cars racing/crashing using his toy cars...

For now, media violence is the only reason we can think of, to explain his hitting. Now, the parents have kept away all his cars, deleted all his favourites on the Internet and all action games from the iPhone...

We are the guilty parents.
We hope to see some improvements after these corrective actions.
Hope it's not too late...
Read more →

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Update

For that big scene that took place on the first day of school after CNY holidays, the principal called to apologise. The girl's mother also apologised. Luckily the mother was the understanding type. She was nothing like her husband, who displayed certain traits of violence. He was all in fist and pointing his fingers at Kai when he bellowed at us that day.

The parents had attributed their daughter's refusal to go to school to Kai. The principal however, disclosed that the recent change in teacher might be the other reason. Also, the girl's mother had divulged that the girl has been punished by teachers, which I thought could be another reason for her anxiety about school. Anyway, I hope this will never happen again.

As for Kai, he needs to brush up on his social skills. His teachers said that he wanted to play with his friends, but his hand gestures, which he used to greet his friends were too rough for them. This little boy needs lots of help and guidance here...
Read more →

Monday, February 7, 2011

Upset

I was very upset today.
I was bawled at by a parent.
First time in 35 years of my life, I was bawled at in public.
I was speechless. I nearly cried. But I told myself I couldn't. Kai was there.
He was scared. He just hugged close to me.
Technically, the man was bawling at my son, but I felt he was bawling at me.
Because I am his mother.
"THIS IS THE LAST WARNING," he bellowed.
"DON'T YOU EVER HIT MY DAUGHTER AGAIN! SAY SORRY TO HER NOW!"

"Sorry," I whispered. (Kai had apologised to that little girl before, when her mother approached us before the CNY)
I wished I had defended Kai, like what other mothers did for their children.
But I couldn't. I knew he was wrong.
Everybody was looking at us.
It was a big scene.

Kai's teachers had feedback to me that Kai hit his classmates a week ago. They said he actually wanted to play with them but didn't know how to express himself. I was very upset when I heard that. I never expect Kai to beat his classmates. We have talked to him since and taught him how he should ask his friends nicely. I think he felt bad for his own actions too. Whenever, I tried to talk to him about this, he'd buried his face in the pillows. Like what the teachers said, he actually wanted to play with his friends but lack the social skills to do so. His hand gestures, which he used to greet his friends may be too rough for them.

Apparently, the man's daughter, who was in the same class as Kai, has been complaining to his parents about how Kai "always" beat her in school. And that she refused to go to school. When I confirmed with the Teacher again, she said she didn't witness Kai beating the girl. So I believed that "always" might be an unjustified word, often misused by kids. Kai could have beat her once but not "always". Next, I saw Kai's eyes whelmed with tears. He clung on to my thighs tightly. I was hesitant about sending him to school. But I also thought he should brave the storm and let it be a precious lesson learnt. I told him, "I know you are a good boy. You wanted to be good. But you are still learning..." and pushed him behind the closed door.

I felt terrible.
Read more →

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Life is too short, but just long enough

Two days of Lunar New Year holidays have passed.
Time seem to have flown past too quickly.
There are so many things waiting to be done
I need to work harder
race with time, before another year slipped past by...

Love this poem...

Life is too short to be spent
griping about the past,
things you don't have,
places you haven't seen,
things you haven't done.

Life is too short to be spent
holding grievances against another,
finding fault in your brother,
counting the wrongs done on you.

Life is just long enough
to enjoy the beauty of a sunrise
the smell of wet earth
and the sound of laughter
after a long day's work.

Life is just long enough
to practice compassion and generosity,
to comfort the grieving,
to lend strength to the fainthearted,
and direction to the lost.

- Tricia Mae Chua
Read more →

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Xuan is 8

It's how strange the brain works... I seem to have stopped counting and remembering Xuan's age after she hit Primary One. There's this subconscious bit in my brain that stops functioning when age reach a certain number. This subconscious element, which I can hardly explain, remembers and counts age diligently only for the first few months of a child's birth and function till the child turns five, then it wavers a little before stopping dead completely. Perhaps I couldn't accept that the kid is growing up too fast. I still tell people she is 7. Sometimes, I skip a number that tell people she is 9. I really don't know why... I've stopped counting her age like I've stopped counting mine. I'm 27 and my mom is always 35 =) oh well.

Anyway, Xuan just turned 8 few days ago. Here's to my dearest daughter,
Mummy wishes you a very bright future - full of meaning and fulfilling.
The road is long. Be strong and persevere in whatever you do.
Grow up strong, happy and healthy.
Remember that mummy always love you.
Happy Birthday, my child.
Read more →