Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Xuan is 11

Today is Xuan's birthday! She has turned 11. How time flies. 

 She has been very quiet after coming back from school. Yesterday, she decided to pour her troubles all out to me. She said she has been feeling neglected by friends and felt very lonely in school, even with her best friend around. She wasn't able to chip in to conservation that her friends were engaging in. She felt transparent in the group. She cried bitterly as she poured out her miseries... 

 I understand perfectly how she felt. I tried to give her advice and console her... at times I even felt like crying with her. She has entered a new milestone in life whereby she has to face all the real life interpersonal relationship woes and emotional affliction. 

Despite doing well in studies, Xuan is a quiet and introvert girl... She lacks self confidence too. I hope the new year will bring her lots of peace and wisdom to deal with real life affliction and situation. I'm glad she is reading Ajahn Brahm's books and is enjoying them. I hope she finds peace and wisdom from the books. 

May she be well, happy, safe and wise.
 Happy 11th Birthday, my child!
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Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Bittersweet relationship

Kai and I share a bittersweet relationship. This started since he entered P1.

I guess the pressure from the education system demanded me to be strict with the little man who lacked discipline and motivation. I became harsh and unloving towards Kai whenever it came to work.

I raised my voice and caned him whenever I needed to repeat my nags over and over to get him to work. And he would shout back, scolding me idiot, stupid, moron, and all kinds of hate words. He also wrote me hate notes whenever he got angry with me. He had asked me to "fly out of the house" several times in his notes. And when he shouted rude words at me. I gave him more beatings.

That was bitter.
Thank goodness,we patched back shortly.

When night falls, he'd snuggle to me, put his arms around me, hug and stroke me lovingly... that was sweet.

That's our bittersweet relationship.
Super unhealthy... and I'm using "benevolence" to guide me everyday.

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Thursday, January 2, 2014

First day of school

Going to school together! The school has started operating single session... finally. I've waited for a long time. But hours in the morning are short. Need to clean up the house, do some marketing and cook lunch... and soon, it'd be time to fetch the kids home!

A new routine...
I'm counting my blessings.

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